Going down this road is not something that I thought about. Despite growing up within a Christian-labelled household and attending a church for much of my childhood, I had no idea who God was. To walk with God was not something I thought about, dreamt about, or even occupied my daily thoughts, however fleeting.
In the church, home and society I grew up in, men and women spent most of their thoughts on sexual intercourse. Even in their youth, they were indoctrinated with the obsession of conquering the opposite sex. Now thinking back on it, it seems tragic that so much time is wasted on an endeavour that will defile them and hamper many aspects of their lives going forward. Our minds could have been focused on something much more important—the things of God.
But why weren’t they?
Religion did not hold any water in my mind. It was just something we had to do; undoubtedly, many others viewed this the same way. It was a superficial activity emphasising “Christian” rituals—activities, events, thoughts, etc., without any real substance. While mentioned often, God was a tool that never went beyond the trivial. Never any depth provided that would foster intense thoughts and conversations. It was an ocean of nothing. The subtle art of brainwashing through repetition.
The walk of life confronts everyone with a decision. Whether to go along or forge a different path. There are so many philosophies, doctrines and, for lack of a better word, paths floating in the world that to figure the best way to go is difficult. Nevertheless, choosing one of these is the same as going along to get along. It is a doctrine of walking in the path already laid. The easy path. Still, do you choose a path simply because it is difficult? Of course not.
The way must be chosen on principle, which is what I did.
I did not like the world.
These words are not mere platitudes spoken in the hope of garnering cheers. They are spoken with conviction and sincerity behind them. The world is a despicable place where the love of money has destroyed the moral fibre and promoted a pretence of benevolence but is a masked hypocrisy. Calling themselves good while deep down, they are ravenous wolves devouring all in their paths for an extra penny.
Starting the walk with God
At the start of my walk with God, some of the key factors to believe in anything were:
- He had to be opposite to the world
- He must have demonstrable power
Opposite to the world
Looking around, I saw people consumed with greed, deceit, lust and wickedness. They never take a break or miss a beat in their obsession with acquiring material possessions. The sheer mind-control on getting money and carnal desires are on the level of insanity. A blinkered world chasing an illusion without the ability to see that it is an effort in futility.
The God I chose must be different from the world around me. This is not what I wanted and to continue the quest for the carnal is the same as accepting death. Better to end this suffering than to inhabit a world bent on destroying the body and the soul for trinkets.
A God of power
Religions come calling whenever anyone awakens to the reality that there must be more to life. All claiming that they are the right way to God. Like whores they tout their wares, all with subtle and soft lips tugging on your shirt sleeves to enter their dens of fornication.
Still, why not?
Although religions claim power through their gods and gurus, I am yet to see this power manifest in the lives of their followers outside of the indulgence in the world. Religions are man-made and show no power but comfort for the members while picking their pockets through adrenaline rushes and fear. Those who lead these institutions are destined for destruction (Mark 10:23).
The God I sought must be a God of power. Why would I serve a God who is not sovereign and has no power over anything?
The God of Power
I did not find him; he found me. I didn’t know who he was, so how could I find him? Like a reed blowing in the wind, I knew not whether I was coming or going. How could I find anything with eyes that were so dull they could not lead a blind man to anything but his destruction?
The God I didn’t know then manifested his power by completely transforming my life. My thoughts, actions, desires and joys all changed beyond recognition. The change is so obvious that a blind dog could see the Spirit emanating from my bones. Yet some “Christians”, despite the scriptures describing this same event, through envy and delusions of their chosen religion, deny the obvious.
The God I didn’t know then manifested even more power by covering me and showing me that he was real, a power so sublime that the peace which enveloped me was like no other. All worldly thoughts dissipated like smoke ascending in the crosswinds of a Texas plain. Peace like no other, with all my worries disappearing in an exhale.
This power breeds conviction and submission.
Smears and Lies
I heard the words spoken in the world about the God of heaven, saying he is cruel, malignant, misogynistic and a terrible being. Having checked for myself, through his word, I found this not to be the case. He was the opposite.
There are amazing promises offered.
13. And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
John 14:13-14 (KJV)
14. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
He offered to grant anything you ask, as long as you ask in his name. The easiest way to see the demonstration of his power is to ask something in his name. Nonetheless, the world does not want to ask under his authority since to do so will mean that they must abandon their sins and their life.
He is the opposite of the god of this world, who is wanton with sin and offers nothing good. Despite having nothing good to offer, the world flocks to him without fear of consequence. Living like this means hating your brother and your neighbour, where dogs replace the companionship of human beings.
Nobody can be trusted.
Ask In his NAME
The challenge here is, how do I ask in his name to have my request granted and allay my fears of following a figment of my imagination, even worse, someone else’s imagination? A long and arduous search culminated in a chicken and egg situation.
His name is to operate under his authority. To abide by his will, instructions, laws, commandments and nature. In his commandments, we are clearly instructed not to tempt (test) him (Matthew 4:7, Deuteronomy 6:16, Exodus 17:2, Exodus 20:7). Thus, it appears this eliminates the possibility of getting a demonstration of his power outside of doing his will.
Jesus glorified God when resurrecting Lazarus through the power of God (John 11:40-44). We also are to glorify God and his Son by being the light of the world as branches of Jesus the vine.
Having the disciple to keep his commandments, operating under his name, only then will he manifest himself to you (John 14:20-21). God is not a flute to be played and shows himself to those who choose to be a part of his kingdom by serving him.
The experience
God’s revelations to those who serve him can be overwhelming, and sometimes the rollercoasters get too much. After seeing the poisoned hearts, the greed, corruption and the extent of the network that has wrapped this world, I took a breath to assimilate and then continued walking with him.
I see the daily attack on God (Hosea 2:16) every day and the spewing of Baali from the mouths in such blasphemous and vile disregard. It saddens my heart to hear and see the disrespect of the Highest and the mass death march of souls (Isaiah 5:14).
This journey is very daunting, and we all seek solace in the crowd at some point. I myself sought comfort to walk with others, but the constant but firm nudge of the Spirit in my head said otherwise. His voice was soft and gentle but persistent that I should not take this course. I understood now that the voice of God is always in line with his word and any other voice is a liar. This voice made it clear that walking alone will be the fate I had to endure.
The phone call
One evening, I was about to order a takeaway. It is convenient and easy and offers various cuisines that excite the palate. I have been on the journey of separation, but I didn’t know how much God wanted me to separate from the world.
What is wrong with a takeaway?
God never goes against his word; in his commandments, he has specified what to eat. These foods contain many ingredients that do not conform to the instructions of God. Also, from my perspective, it saves a lot of money.
I spoke in my heart to God for direction, requesting direct intervention if this is what is required. Let it be that I cannot speak with this takeaway establishment if this is what you want. After dialling, confident that the matter was out of my hands and in God’s hands, the phone rang twice, then disconnected. I looked at the phone, completely stunned, which read, “couldn’t connect”. I dialled again, but it didn’t ring this time; it just said it couldn’t connect.
It was now clear no matter how the “real-world” logic rationalises this experience.
Am I righteous?
I have sinned many times on this journey, but I have purposed in my heart with determination to walk the path set before me by God. I have repented with sincerity, and I walk following his word. He has rewarded me with wisdom and has opened my eyes to the utter depravity of this world. The hearts of men and the state of this world are as black as Night.
I will call his name Ishi and not Baali—be damned all who oppose Him and his servants
I follow the Sun—the bright morning star, where I do not stumble while working during the day.
This is so familiar and beautiful to me.